there is nothing as lucky, as easy, and free

sundays are always the best days.

last night was the best sober night of my life.

you were on my mind at least nine tenths of yesterday
it seemed as if perhaps I'd gone insane
what is it about you that has commandeered my brain?
maybe it's your awesome songs or maybe it's the way
when I look at your face I can tell that you're not going to be stopping soon or even slowing down
and if we keep up this pace pretty soon we'll know the name of every kid and every grown up booking house shows in their town
and if home is really where the heart is
then we're the smartest kids I know
because wherever we are in this great big world
we'll never be more than a few hours from home

it's funny how quickly things can change. i'm enrolling in tenoroc high school tomorrow morning, being withdrawn from lakeland this afternoon. on another note, i had the most beautiful weekend spent with my boyfriend brandon. that's the most time we've ever spent together, and it was spectacular. i'm so sleepy.

everything is shit. everything.

i'm currently in mrs. poughs class, there are 4 people in here including myself. i'm listening to some silly easy listening music because, well, its the only music site lhs didn't block. i really love my classes this year, all of them. in order they are AP Art, English 4, Chem1, Ceramics1(FINALLY), French1, Economics Honors, and this class. some business class or something. its funny, because this year i am SO alone here. but to be honest, i prefer it that way. i really don't talk all day unless i'm spoken to, besides 6th period because karson has it with me. but, its cool. i just observe all of the idiots that walk around. brandon moved over the weekend, it super blows, but he's coming in town today! i'm excited. its strange how much i miss him, maybe not. i have a lot more hope for us now, though. because i was honestly expecting the worst out of the move, i expected to not see or talk to him much and i expected things to change. i mean, yeah its been like 3 days or something, but, we're doing just fine right now and i'm sure it'll stay that way! i don't know why it wouldn't, we've never been in a fight, we're both way to understanding to do so. oh! oh! oh! and in December him and i are taking a trip up to New York City!! i've never been so stoked in my life. we're going to stay with my brother and hang out in the big city for a week, things might get crazy.

my boyfriend is moving to davenport. most likely this weekend.

no. everything is not going to be okay.

its funny, so much changes in between my last post until now. firstly, i lost my best friend. i mean, i guess she was kind of gone for a while but we just don't talk at all now. i love her as a person, but she changed so much, it was becoming hard to talk to her and after not seeing her for a couple weeks i realized it just wasn't even worth it. i miss her a lot of the time, but i suppose its better this way. on a better note, things with brandon are better than ever. we have an extremely strong relationship and honestly, i couldn't be happier with another person. i'm in love with him. before i left for hernando (thats where i am now, btw) we spontaniously went to anna maria and watched the sun set, it was perfect, he's perfect.  i can really relate to him, and i trust him more than anybody else i know. i connect so well with him. anyways, i'm in hernando beach now, my family from texas is here, they're fucking great. all i've been doing is straight relaxin'. its awesome "me" time.  blah blah blah, i have nothing left to say.

for the past week or so, i've been feeling very alone. i feel like i'm drifting away from everybody i'm close with. everybody. and its hard. i don't know, its almost as if everybody is changing but i'm still the same jordane. and i can't do a damn thing about it even if i tried to. the only thing i can really do is sit back and watch.

have been quite weird lately to be honest. with everybody. i just feel so disconnected to my closest group of friends. i don't know, everybody is just being kind of quiet, including me.. even things with brandon have been different. i kind of want to get away. thankfully i'm working all this week, to keep my mind off everything. i hate change, its usually for the worse. i hope things go back to normal soon, i can't take this!!

ah, summer time. sheer bliss. i wish my boyfriend were in town though. here's a picture from tonight.

i'm in a strange mood. i feel very numb, apathetic. i hope i get to see brandon tonight, sometimes i feel as if he doesn't really want to be with me, i hope that isn't the case. i'm sure i'm thinking about things way too much as usual. i'm sleepy. i think i love brandon and i'm trying very hard to avoid that feeling. i'm so full of shit. we're all so full of shit.

everything about my life is so beautiful

my life is so spontanious and exciting. things with brandon are great, i couldn't ask for anything more. i'm just really happy.

i woke up with this on my foot the morning after prom. i honestly don't know where it came from!! anywhom, saturday night was the best night of my life. i got really smashed, but i got to be really smashed with the most amazing people. (minus olivia =( ) we stayed in the hotel all night and we never went to sleep, we ended up talking and goofing around all night. i really don't know what else to say about it, ha.

ah, spring break

so many things have been happening in the past month.. i think i'll start from where i left off with my last post. it was really hard getting over brett, i'm still a little sad about it every now and then but i'm honestly better off without him. i feel so free, its like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. i do miss him every once in a while, but how could i not? he was a really big part of my life. we don't talk anymore, but i'm happy its that way. i know if i talked to him i would be upset a lot of the time or want him back. a few weeks after brett and i were overwith, i started talking to somebody else. his name is andrew cribbs. i'm so stupid for liking him. i picked up from school one day and since then he swept me off of my feet. i'm not sure what it is, he's the opposite of my type. he's a thug, a drug dealer, a player, pretty much everything a girl isn't supposed to want in a guy. and i didn't either, i just loved him for who he was. i've known him for a while, its not like i just randomly started talking to him btw. he was charming and we started hanging out a lot and he eventually became my boyfriend, for 4 days. hahah. its so ridiculous and quite humiliating. even after breaking up we acted like we were dating, he just wanted the freedom of being able to do whatever he wants. and he got what he wanted. i let him have sex with me and that was just a mistake. i don't regret it but i wish he atleast talked to me now, i feel so trashy. it was good for me though, it really helped me overcome the sadness i had with brett, and it was just a lot of fun hanging around andrew. he's very careless and i started to become that too. after everything with andrew, here i am now! i'm actually talking to brandon mintle now. he's so sweet and just my "type", we're exactly alike, i really like him. we've been hanging out a lot lately, its nice. school is stressing me out beyond belief...i have two D's and an F... i've been slacking way too much, i just don't have any motivation. i'm surprised my dad hasn't taken my car away. i'm grateful that he's given me another chance. i always feel so hopeless and depressed in school. i just get this negative energy from all of the people and teachers and my lack of motivation doesn't really help much. my friends really help me through the day though, i honestly don't know what i would do without them. i love them so much. i've been working a lot lately too. i go straight from school to work, almost every day. its not bad though, i love my job. i love the people at my job, we hang out outside of work sometimes and it truly is awesome. brandon actually came through the drive-thru yesterday just to say hi, it was really cute. =) i'll be posting more soon

well happy valentines day? haha. it seems to be so overrated only when you have nobody to share it with. so much shit has been happening with brett >_> and i honestly do not give a shit anymore. he dumped me over the phone sunday night after getting off work. because he "wants to be friends" "because he feels that way". dumbass. he likes someone else, which i'm sure is the real reason. i missed two days of school just laying in my bed and crying. tuesday, however, i went to talk to him at his school because he absolutely wouldn't give me the time of day. and hey, what do you know? he wouldn't speak to me in between his classes either. he calls me names and acts as if we don't even know each other. i don't know what the fuck got into him but its his loss. considering i did nothing wrong. anyways, i'm starting to get a lot more serious about my school work and it makes me happy. i only wish that i could've tried really hard my first two years =/ it really lowered my GPA. theres nothing to ever write about in here, hence never posting

things will never go my way. i wish atleast one person in my life would put as much into a relationship as much as i do. i'm giving up on you